How One Woman Can Change the Whole World

Dear Grandma,

I have started and restarted this letter more times than I can count this week, but nothing I wrote seemed quite right. How do you say goodbye to someone you’ve loved and admired for nearly 50 years? Someone who rocked you to sleep while listening to “Peter and the Wolf” over and over again, because that’s what you wanted to hear? Someone who packed a “churchie“ bag for you full of little toys and treats to keep you entertained while you sat at her feet and played? Someone who taught you how to bake, make applesauce and arrange flowers? Someone who always thought first of others? Someone who always beat you at board games? Someone who modeled humility, hospitality, service, devotion, patience and kindness all while being ready to play a great practical joke? Someone who cared for your ailing grandpa for 27 years without the first word of complaint and fought ovarian cancer tooth and nail to the end without ever mentioning the pain? Only occasionally asking “I wonder why this happened?” Just like Grandpa did after the stroke stole half of his body. Someone, who even in her death, drew together her family, all 23 first cousins in a group messenger chat where they relived memories, shared photos and stories and comforted one another? How do you do it? How do you say goodbye to the woman who taught you how to kneel by the bed and pray to God for, well, everything, really? The one whose Bible was always close at hand for reference or encouragement? The woman who embodied Proverbs 31 like no one you’ve ever known before or likely ever will again?

The answer I’ve finally come to is, you don’t. You don’t say goodbye. You can’t. Because these lessons, these memories, all of these moments and characteristics are a part of you. These things have been sewn into you. And, if you try to remove them an ugly hole would be left in their place. And after 50 years, there would be so many holes, you‘d just be an old rag if you said goodbye to it all. So you can’t. You can’t say goodbye. Not unless you want to fall apart. But this begs the question: How do you NOT say goodbye? I think cousin Adam explained it well at your graveside. You go to the source of her inspiring life: the Bible. God‘s instruction manual for a life well lived. And you read it. You study it. You pray about it. You hide the words away in your heart. You DO it. You do it. That’s the real ticket. That’s what set you apart from so many. You didn’t just go to church or read the Bible. You didn’t play a part. You lived your life according to what you knew to be true. And, in the process of living that life, you impacted so many. Your light shone for everyone to see. There was never any doubt of who you were or what you believed. There was no ambiguity or wiggle room. You were a follower of Jesus Christ. And, because of that, you were a devoted wife, loving mother and grandmother(all the way down to great-great grandmother), hard-working homemaker, generous servant, gracious hostess and so much more. You were what I aspire to be. Not just in the days following your death, but everyday God gives me on this earth. I pray God never lets me say goodbye to you, Grandma. I pray I always remember to seek your source, the only source, of truth daily. I pray I pray about everything large and small. I pray the fruit of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control are as evident in my life everyday as they were in yours. If that’s the case, your Godly legacy will continue on from generation to generation. And it will change the whole world, just like you changed mine. So, I won’t say ”goodbye.” I’ll just say “I love you and I miss you” until we meet again.

Thank you for being you,

Tobi